New Game+

Published on December 20, 2018

Hi, I’m transgender.

Ok, freeze - before you get a thousand different thoughts in your head, I want you to take a minute and read this post about another woman’s missed opportunity. I’ll wait.

This could so easily be me. “I don’t feel that bad about it”, I’d tell myself. “I’ll look terrible, no one will ever want to be around me again - just stay as-is and try to make the best of it.” And it would’ve been so much easier, and so much less scary, and so much less work.

But not a single, solitary one of those reasons will comfort the overwhelming regret that comes from a life of living as someone else, when I’m too old and I can’t do anything about it other than spend my days mourning a life that I could have had but was too afraid to.

So I’ve decided that I’m going to Do This Thing, and I’m going to work my fucking ass off, and hope and pray against all odds, that someday I might get to wake up in the morning and finally see me in the mirror.

So hi. My full name is Anaïs Marcia, but you can just call me Ana.

I’m extremely blessed that both of my partners are supportive and excited about this new change - many transgender women aren’t so lucky. And I already feel so much better every day. I haven’t been this happy in at least a decade. Sometimes gender dysphoria is obvious, like the post about Stephanie above - other times like for me, it’s like a fucking LOST episode; nothing looks or feels right, and it casts this ever-present pall over your happiness, and you have no idea why until one day you finally get a hint.

Unfortunately, right now I’m in the part of transition that’s the hardest - I’m looking like Old Me less and less, and I still don’t look like New Me. Shapeshifting is Hard Work! I’d consider it a huge favor if you believed my story, and treated me as Me, even if at the moment I might not look like the way I want to.

I called this post “New Game+” because that’s how it kinda is - I feel like I’m basically starting my life over again as a different person, and unlike basically my entire life up to this point, I have absolutely no idea if it’s going to turn out; I’m diving off of this cliff and learning how to fly on the way down.

So, here’s to learning to fly. Thanks for listening.

Wait! I have more questions!

Great! I have another post on this topic that tries to explain a bit about what it means to be transgender.

Anaïs Betts

Written by Anaïs ['is] Betts, who lives in Berlin.

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